This is an article for all of you who have heard the phrase “just get over it”, “just let it go”, “you are so stuck up”, “it’s not that deep”, “you’re overreacting” etc. If you as a reader use these or similar phrases to people who ask for your advice, please read this article and see why it’s doing more harm than good, because it won’t solve the problem while the person you gave this advice will feel even more hurt.
I’m going to introduce this article with a past situation of mine. Me and my best friend stopped hanging out last summer after she chose another girl over me. I tried to talk to my other best friend about how devastated I felt and I thought she would understand me, since us three used to be best friends. She told me “just get over it” and that’s been her opinion ever since.
I love my friend but she thinks that in order to heal from something, you have to forget it and never refer to it again. I personally felt helpless after her saying this, it seemed like I couldn’t talk to anyone and felt too emotionally attached. The problem is the more people tell you to get over it, the more you feel worse about yourself. Saying “just get over it” to someone who’s dealing with a traumatic experience, is like saying to stop being sad to a person with depression (not comparing the difficulties a person suffering with a mental illness has, but I thought it was a fitting example.)
Sometimes it takes time to get over it and not everyone uses the same coping mechanisms. I got over my traumatic experience through crying, looking at old pictures and remembering the times we had together. That may seem more harmful than helpful but it actually was an eye-opener that showed me how lucky I am to have stopped hanging out with her because of how much she’s changed. Looking at old pictures and deleting them, remembering things we did together and smiling instead of crying, these are some signs of “getting over it” for me. And let me tell you it took a looong time for me, about a year and I’m still not completely over it.
When someone talks to you about a traumatic experience, a breakup, the loss of a loved one, please don’t use these phrases. Try to give advice or simply comfort your friend, not anything crazy, just try to be understanding, your friend is expecting empathy and is probably coming to you because they trust you. So please don’t disappoint them and hurt them more <3
Thank you so much for reading! Hope I helped!
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