Hi everyone
As I’ve been going through a rough patch these last weeks, today’s article is gonna be some rambling about mistakes, life, the fear of failure, etc. I know, very positive topic as always. But anyway, enjoy my confused late night thoughts on the matter.
I’ve always been afraid to make mistakes, and along with that, to admit when I was wrong. I guess that’s related because if you don’t allow yourself to make any mistakes, it gets harder to acknowledge them when you do. The prospect of disappointing someone and possibly changing the way they see you, that’s the most terrifying thing to me.
Pressure is something I’ve always felt. Sometimes others were the source, other times it was all me. It’s impossible to be perfect all the time, trust me you’ll break eventually. I’ve spent so much time trying to hold all the pain, all the hurt, all the ugly feelings in… but it’s not worth it. And lately everything’s been coming out all at once. I felt so stressed out, so clueless that the only thing I could do was shut down. All my past mistakes have come back to haunt me. And the source of those mistakes are all the same: I was afraid. Afraid to fail, to have flaws, to end up all alone.
Too often the fear of not being enough has led me to give up on things or people. Here’s what I usually think: Why bother to try when I’m doomed to fail ? I guess in a way not trying is slightly less worse then trying and failing. There are days I wish I could see myself the way I see other people. Isn’t it ironic how we always blame ourselves for things we easily accept and forgive in others ? For once, couldn’t we be rooting for ourselves ?
Giving up always seems to be the option I take. Avoiding problems and relationships hoping to avoid the complexity, the arguments. Sadly pain is always a part of it. The crying, the doubts and the anger are all natural and will occur no matter how far you try to run away from it. No happiness is ever given without effort.
That’s it for this article, thanks for reading ! See you next Monday -Sophie
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